drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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