I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
