And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
