haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
