You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
