my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize