dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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