if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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