Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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