I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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