dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
