More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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