That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
