walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
