There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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