i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
