Your dad touched me again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
