I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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