talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
