Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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