I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize