I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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