yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
