I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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