I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
