I'm really into asian looking animals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
wow bdsm is so cute
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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