I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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