I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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