Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize