i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
