She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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