so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize