just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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