look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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