I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
