Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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