Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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