dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its liver damage thursday
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
