is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
