I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
