I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
And then he peed in my hair
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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