I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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