I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How does one acquire holy water?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
