this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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