I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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