is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
