Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize