i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
