News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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