when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
