Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize