but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
