I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
