You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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