He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
