brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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