he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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