it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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