So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
