So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize