they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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