i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
