he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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