When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
