Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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