when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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