i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
