How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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