I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize