Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
