I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
