I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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