Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
