I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
