Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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