Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
