So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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