She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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