I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
wow bdsm is so cute
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