So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
