mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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