Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
