Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
