Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize