There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
