I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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